One of the duties of running a talk radio station is filling out affidavits for all the national programs that we run.

Without getting into all the details, basically I have to digitally sign a form that says we did in fact play the commercials that come with the shows to which we prescribe.

So when the Kim Komando (yes, that's how she spells it) plays every Saturday (1-4 p.m.), I have to mark that her show played and that all the national commercials that were included with her show also played.

It's one of those tedious little jobs that are not fun, but must be done in order to keep KDXU running and om the air. Not fun, but necessary.

I generally do my large pile of affidavits every Monday, but with my recent vacation I was a couple of weeks behind. And to make things worse, my computer's cache (or cookies, or whatever) had been cleared while I was gone, meaning I had to remember a half-dozen user names and passwords to log into these sites and get the task done.

For four of the six sites, I managed to get into their database and get the job done. One of the two remaining sites I'm still waiting to hear back from their IT guys and the affidavits are currently unfinished. And then there's the sixth site.

This is a real email conversation I had with one of their tech guys today. It took about four hours to resolve. I'll leave their name out of it for obvious reasons.

Me: I just got back from vacation and realized I need to get the affidavits done for your XYZ website. But I can't seem to get logged in. Can you help me?


XYZ: Of course, sir. I would love to help you. I just need your user name and password.


Me: Um yeah, that's the problem. I can't remember the password and when I enter the user name I thought it was, the login page says it has no record of that user name.


XYZ: I see, well, what is your email address?


Me: Um, this current one that I'm sending you emails from? I have an old one as well, as our company was recently purchased. It is, but that one no longer is active.


XYZ: Neither one of those is in our records, sir. Are you certain these are your email addresses?


Me: Uh, yeah.


XYZ: I'm afraid I can't let you into our affidavit database unless I can verify your identity.


Me: Look, I don't really enjoy doing affidavits, but I do them so you can get paid and because it is part of my job. There is no way for me to steal anything if I get logged in and check that your ads played on our station. I just want this to be caught up. Can you please help make that happen.


XYZ: I'm sorry sir, but there is nothing I can do without verification that you actually do work for the station you say you work for.


Me: And what would that entail? A letter on company letterhead. You want to talk to my boss? Some sort of official ID?


XYZ: I'm sorry sir, but none of those things would assure me that you actually do work for KDXU.

At this point, I decided to take a break and go grab a drink from a local convenience store. As I walked by the KDXU car in the parking garage here, I had an epiphany. I'll send the guy a picture of the back of the KDXU Mitsubishi. The back window has a picture of me next to the KDXU logo and an advertisement for my show.

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About an hour or so  later:

XYZ: Sir, why did you send me an attachment?


Me: Have you looked at it?


XYZ: No sir, we are discouraged from opening attachments at our company. It might contain porn or other undesirable images.


Me: Just look at it!


XYZ: I'm afraid that's not possible sir. It is company policy.


Me: *sigh* Is there anything I can do so that you'll let me fill out your stupid affidavits?


XYZ: Yes sir. If you'll send me photographic proof that you work for KDXU, I can process this request.


Me: But you just said you can't open attachments.


XYZ: If I request the attachment, I am allowed to open it.


Me: (After sending the exact same picture) How's that?


XYZ: Very good sir. Your sign-in is *** and your password is ***. Have an excellent day.


Me: *sigh*

Moral of the story: Write down and save your passwords and user names somewhere!

BTW, this is what I imagine the guy looked like:

Web surfing

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